Coloured Carousels, Paper Planes & Playground Games

SO YAY.

The song that my blog is [uh, creatively] named after now has a video. Wheeee! <333

Follow the linky ---->>>>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PULdPep_xfs

I adore Ellie. :)

I'm baking a cake later this afternoon. Will try and post a picture of the disaster later. Along with a post about what's been going on this past week. =]

I received the most deliciously fantastical text from somebody yesterday. It was the simplest form of a question, but the conversation that spawned from it was to die for. Finally, some luck. Yes, I shall be intangible around the subject, I like the elusiveness.

I'm hungry - the last time I ate a meal was 9:00pm on Friday, almost 36 hours ago. Yesterday I had two cups of Lychees [a Chinese fruit, delicious]. I had green tea this morning. I practically feed off the stuff. I don't know why I'm complaining, this would have been a breeze for me three years ago... shows how easy I've had it. I look at myself and I physically feel nauseated. That's enough for me, I barely need the thinspo anymore. I experience some immoral thrill from this, and now I officially sound like a crazy person.

I'm going to Nathan's today since he said we can go shopping later and he'll 'treat me'. If this treat even vaguely pertains to that girl, I'm going to put my head inbetween my cupboard doors tonight. LOL. Just kidding. But it'll be a blow of epic proportions.

This song... is just love.



PS; HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY MARTHA. Have a snowy one. =]

I still can't sleep...
I'm having mind issues.
I'll lay them out tomorrow.
I called on faith, they said I should call more often.

My mum promised she'll seek out my dad's writing address today. HA. I'm enthralled to see how this will play out. Argument number two?

Short & sweet. I need to close me eyes some time.

xx
























I love and loathe this picture <3

So today I got up at 4pm. Yeah.
I swear to myself. I am going to bed after CBB tonight. Or at least before 12am...

Since I had very little of the day remaining, I asked Cally to drive me to town. Ensue arguing about how bitter the air is as of late, as if we hadn't noticed until this definitive moment. In the end, I'm in the back of her car at 5:30pm, her boyfriend looking at me like a peice of bacon, which doesn't suprise me, since I now contain as much fat as a a rasher doused in grease. Bleh, I haven't eaten anything today, unless cereal an hour before my bedtime at 7am counts. I'm back to starving, what a divine spectacle that is to go through.

All the shops were shut except Primark and what have you. All I got from Primark was a £1 necklace, ROFL. I did happen upon the cutest guy ever in there, but since I look like Heather from EastEnders these days, he didn't even spare me a glance.

Anyway, I digress, in a nutshell today was a bore. And I'm not even doing anything this weekend. It is literally so inexplicably and unendurably biting out there that even those silver ghosts of breath just freeze where they are instead of floating away. Though the snows seems to be weakening now.

I actually have this unorthodox obsession with Lady 'Sov' Sovereign in CBB. I want her to hook up with Jonas. So what if she's a lesbian [is she full lesbo, I was under the impression she was bi]? People change their minds and sexualities, haha. Katia's a counterfeit blonde, coffin-knocker-dating bore. *yawn*

Jonas & Sov's torture last night;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57hHCLk-Lcw

Also, I ordered Beautiful Creatures last night. I stumbled upon some garish spoilers literally two days ago, that caused some dramazz, thought I should snag it before I fall into the spoiler-whore division, even though I quite honestly am one, only not for books.

I guess that's all for today. Watching CBB right now, a new housemate will enter, my guess goes to Katie Price or that Ivana chick. Meh.

=]

Back to starving tomorrow. I have to lose this atrocious Christmas weight fast. I hate it when I go back to this routine. Meh. Green tea, diet coke, a couple bowls of cereal a day.

I'm gonna seek out my dad's address so I can write to him. Ask him why he has no interest in me. Why he's an arsehole. Various things. Might be funny. Mmm.

I saw Nathan a couple days ago. He has a new girlfriend. God, I hope he never reads this, even though I know he knows it broke my heart. Why do I care, he's a pillock? I'll never know. And there I go. Don the happy face. 'Who is she?' 'Some girl you don't know.' Why do they always say that? Why can't I just find a decent guy? Why am I always the girl next door? Mehhhh.

I can't wait to see Martha next week when the snow's said its goodbyes. I see light in her. She's my cousin, turns a year old on the 10th of this month. =]

... is, uh, difficult.

Tonight we had a Chinese that my Aunt bought us. It was lovely. Until I conjured up a new topic of conversation to the table, being the talks of my 17th birthday plans.

My mum promised me a party about two months ago. I wasn't too thrilled about this, to be frank, since I've never been a profound partier. Not the booze and speakers type, to say the least. And I was quite sure that was the type she had in mind, summing up my mum's character...

Anyhow, she continued, ensuring she'd divulge a few pounds since she wanted me to have a good time since I rarely get any living in the hell hole that we do presently. That comment, however, I was thrilled about. For once, my mother was admitting, in words, that life isn't cherries & ice cream for ME, either! I wanted to hug her, but something couldn't bring me to do it, since I was wearing my 'impenetrable armour' at that point, and didn't feel like letting loose too much emotion, even though emotions were screaming in my head. Yet I told her a party wasn't for me, regardless.

Tonight, I brought up my ideas for a week abroad for my birthday with a friend or two.
'Damn that' was pretty much her response. 'As long as you can pay for everything, go ahead'. What happened to forking out for a party? I asked her that. 'That was then, this is now. We don't have the money.'

And THIS is what I have had the whole of my life. Promises not kept. Lies as a child, lies now. Oh, whatever mum. Keep feeding me bull. Tell me you'll do something for me, tell me things will change, blah blah blah. This woman didn't even buy my a Christmas present, even though I spent £20 on hers. What the hell mum? I can't have a birthday celebration or even a Christmas present these days? O.o

Needless to say, this spiraled into an argument, subsequent to which I walked out, crying in my room for a small while, further fighting my frequent urges to gtfo of the house now and be done with it. You'd think I'm overeacting simply because I didn't get the nice birthday I was promised I could have. I wish I was just crestfallen about that. I so, so do.

The snow looks amazing tonight. It was better on Tuesday. It was the fluffy kind, the colour-drained candyfloss type. It's a bit mushy and icier tonight since the weather dropped. It's lovely and warm in my room however. =]

Well, to sum up this post - my mother needs to wisen up, tonight was a bittersweet evening, the weather is crisp and raw on the skin and I want to get on with life now.

Goodnight xo